For the last while now, I've noticed a change in myself. I'm not the happy go lucky person I used to be, and on occasion my boyfriend has also said it to me. This in itself would be worrying if I hadn't lost one of the most important people in my life last August, my amazing grandfather. I saw him and my grandmother every day because they only lived around the corner, and I'm so grateful because thanks to being so near to them, I have some fantastic memories that noone can ever take from me. Death has hit my family hard having lost 2 brothers, and 2 cousins on the same side, and I was a lot younger at the time, so it has taken until now for me to fully understand the devastation loosing someone special can have on a person. Dealing with his loss is difficult enough, but without going into too much detail on here, my circumstances in life with regard to work have changed. I'm not working at the minute, and the job I was previously in was part time, its still hard to adjust from getting up to go to work to getting up and not knowing what I'm going to do with my day. At the start it was like a holiday, but now its been a few weeks its changed. I've started to get very fed up and at times I've ended up in tears feeling very low and down in the dumps. Its hard, so many of my friends have fantastic jobs, my brother is studying for a great career in Physiotherapy, and at times I find myself looking at them and thinking 'what's wrong with me', or 'why can't I be like that'. And before you say it, no I'm not jealous, my brother has come through a lot and worked his backside off to get to where he is, and I'm so proud of him for it, and likewise my friends are the same, so I suppose sometimes I just feel a little left behind or lost. Which I think is my problem right there. Comparing myself to everyone else. I am me, and only me can be me! I need to stop comparing myself to each and every other person out there and realise I can't and won't ever be like them, because I'm Alisha, and I've to lead the path that's right for me. I've realised its time to change my 'Negative Nelly' attitude. Instead of looking at the things I don't have, its time to look at what I do have. I've a fantastic family, who I love to pieces, I've a loving and supportive boyfriend, great friends, and a roof over my head. There's so many people out there who would only love to be right now, and here I am complaining about things I don't need to. Instead I'm going to have a more positive attitude to life. If I'm not happy, its only me who can change it. And it starts today! I've signed up for a Distance Learning course, I've this little space on the interweb which I'm going to put my heart and soul into while I have the time, and I'm going to figure out who I really am, and what I want from my life. (That sounds awful corny doesn't it)
But to end, a positive quote!
Thanks for reading everybody,
Alisha xxx
Hope you're okay and so sorry you lost your grandfather. Losing your job can be awfully displacing like how you explained it "left behind" so many of us have been there in the past few years especially so don't feel like you're alone! Putting things like this up on the blog shows people that mightn't always comment that they're not alone either so fair play for putting it into words and best of luck with your new course :) x
ReplyDeleteAww thank you so much for the lovely comment! I think a lot of us sometimes feel the same away but often just don't say it out loud for fear of how people might react, so its nice to know that others do feel the same sometimes! Thanks so much :) x
ReplyDelete